Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I looked at my own cervix.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
