My liver just broke up with me...
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
