4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize