whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
