He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just googled if crying burns calories
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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