You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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