Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
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I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
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Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Floor bacon is actually really good
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