People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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