happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
