So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
