Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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