how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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