while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
