Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
