Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
