cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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