Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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