why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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