I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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