We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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