After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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