We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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