my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
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it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
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but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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