he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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