I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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