You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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