I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
