the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
