I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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