I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
