Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize