i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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