God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
