So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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