I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
