ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
