Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
