So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
