So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she told me i tasted like america
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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