So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
