I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
