Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
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I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
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Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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