Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
