How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
