shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
