there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
