and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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