Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
