if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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