You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
