I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
