tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
