the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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