I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
