Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm too high and old for this...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
