I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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