i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
This is the high leading the old right now
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
