so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
