i don't like sucking hair
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
