i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
