i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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