So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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