I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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