He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
