um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
