Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
