there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
