We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
