would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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