so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
