Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
