I didn't shave. On purpose
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
