Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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