Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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