I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
