i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
