its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
