At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I pour the whiskey from now on
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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